In a powerful post also known as “I imagined Casual Sex will be Empowering, nevertheless was not, Jennifer Joyner defines her initial attraction to hooking up: “the notion of the twenty-first century lady making her very own sexual narrative seemed tempting,” she produces. “i needed to be in control . . . and that I failed to wish to be overlooked.” Joyner after that recalls the woman go through the day after losing the girl virginity to a stranger in the back of a vehicle:
He had been stressed and known as next day to see if I found myself fine. I didn’t call back. I remember experiencing smug about it, as though in effectively nurturing under him I got for some reason “won” the online game. We proceeded to hook up with many additional guys quickly, chasing datingperfect.net/dating-sites/bridge-of-love-reviews-comparison after an elusive excitement.
As Joyner, Donna Freitas, among others have demostrated, the main purpose of those exactly who “hook up” isn’t sexual joy, but electricity, and/or success of success over the other. Triumph is actually acquired with sex without nurturing, without susceptability. To put it differently, hooking up inverts the intrinsic meaning of intercourse, transforming eros, the need for close embodied union with someone else, having its attendant psychological and real vulnerability, into thumos, the desire for control, acceptance, regulation, and self-reliance.